Are you from the US? If so, that stuff about merchant accounts isn't true. While they're backed by a bank (acquiring bank), you don't have to go to a consumer bank to get one. You can go through any company called an ISO. In my opinion banks are the worst place to get one. We do merchant accounts with a monthly fee of $5/mo and instant setup (you can start processing in less than 2 minutes from when you complete the form). All backed by our friendly customer service team in Ohio.

Now if you're in the UK...things are very different :).