Meh. The long version is massively worse. I got to the end of it and was left confused about what, specifically, I could expect. I definitely prefer the initial "bad" version. (Though I would make it shorter.)
If you want to add explanation, make that short and sweet as well.
Here is an example following the lines of the first that is even shorter.
To: Allhands@CompanyX.com
From: JoeTheHRManager@CompanyX.com
Subject: New Work-From-Home Policy
Everyone,
Our work from home policy is changing next week. Employees wishing to do so must get an OK in advance from their manager. This is to improve progress on projects that depend on collaboration in house.
Managers, if your employee is not currently working on a project where in house collaboration is critical, please be generous in OKing working from home requests.
As always, please send feedback to HR@CompanyX.com.
Joe
That message explains the policy, indicates why, and should leave people with comfort that a favored perk is not simply being eliminated wholesale.
This is far better than either of the sample emails in the article, but I would cut out the second stanza - communication to managers about management shouldn't really be global.
Why shouldn't communication to managers be global? In this case it is an important part of managing expectations, which is part of culture.
With it in, people have a pretty good sense of whether they are likely to be impacted. With it out, people will assume that they are impacted whether they are or not, and will resent it. Also including it in what everyone got significantly reduces the risk that some low-level manager who never liked the work from home policy will try to eliminate it locally.
Those strike me as pretty good reasons to leave it in.
If you want to add explanation, make that short and sweet as well.
Here is an example following the lines of the first that is even shorter.
To: Allhands@CompanyX.com From: JoeTheHRManager@CompanyX.com Subject: New Work-From-Home Policy
Everyone,
Our work from home policy is changing next week. Employees wishing to do so must get an OK in advance from their manager. This is to improve progress on projects that depend on collaboration in house.
Managers, if your employee is not currently working on a project where in house collaboration is critical, please be generous in OKing working from home requests.
As always, please send feedback to HR@CompanyX.com.
Joe
That message explains the policy, indicates why, and should leave people with comfort that a favored perk is not simply being eliminated wholesale.
If you want fuller context for my advice, I highly recommend buying http://www.amazon.com/How-Talk-Kids-Will-Listen/dp/038081196... and reading it. (Ignore the bit about that advice being for kids - it works with grownups as well.)